Tough Love

by | Sep 9, 2013 | Rambleeengs | 0 comments

I’ve had so many single friends ask me what being married is like – “EMILY! OMG!? Do you just loooove being married? Is it just wonderful??” –  I always, ALWAYS pause before answering. Should I just lie and say it is full of rainbows and unicorns and wonderful clouds full of love and glitter? Or should I rip their precious little rose colored glasses off and tell them the truth… that while I love my husband more and more everyday and love being married to my best friend, that marriage is tough. 

Jacob and I are one month in and reality is here, full force. I don’t know what this “honeymoon phase” is that so many people speak of but we must have skipped it. In fact, if I would have written this post yesterday, it would have had a totally different vibe… probably a little pessimistic and mean. All because I was afraid of talking to my husband about things that were bothering me. I know that I am no marriage expert, but in this 5 weeks of marriage I have experienced so far I have realized that Marriage, is a lot like dating, permanently. You have to continuously work on your friendship, you have to keep your attitudes in check. You can’t just leave like you might have when you were dating. Now, if you get into an argument, the farthest you can go is to the next room to get a breather and think things through. There’s no running off to your bestfriends house to gab about him and all the things that irritate you in your relationship. Things that happen between my husband and I are private.  Ephesians 5:22 says as a wife, I am to “submit myself to my husband I would the Lord” now I don’t know about you but I do not plan on gossiping about the Lord to anyone anytime soon, so why would I do that with my new husband?

Ephesians 5: 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

And trust me, you are going to have to check your attitudes A LOT in a new marriage. Because now, you live together. That is 24/7, folks. Things that bothered you before you got married aren’t going to disappear because you said “I do”. You have to be able to talk and don’t wait until you’re about to explode with anger before you address these things ( I say this mostly as a reminder to myself because trust me – I would MUCH rather keep it all bottled up and hope it goes away then address the issue ) waiting won’t make it better. And you know that attitude you would get when you were little right before your parents would send you to your room for a time out? The one where you would run down the stairs and slam your door so hard that the windows would rattle? (Don’t lie, I know I can not be the only who did that) yeah, that attitude, it comes back – not quite so window rattling but that feeling of not getting your way and getting called out on it has come flooding back to me a few times. And thankfully, I have a great husband who lets me pout and and be angry for a while and waits for me to come to him (He will really be a great Dad someday… especially if we have children like me).

My dad told me before Jacob and I got engaged that the hardest part of growing up would be not getting what I want, and adjusting to being on our own. I thought he was nuts… but he was right ( Hear that Dad, YOU ARE RIGHT!) I was one of those kids that if I wanted something, I found a way to get it. I had a full time job all through high school. If i wanted something, I went out and bought it myself. Now its all about us and we and ours. It is a tough change. Asking permission and learning to wait for things is a challenge. It’s all about respect. And learning. And growing…. together. 

Marriage takes quite a bit of work. Kind of like a garden. You can’t just plant the seeds and then leave them. You have to work at it to get something good. You have to love on your little garden every day to make it blossom and grow. Marriage is the same way. Love on it every day and you’ll reap the rewards.

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