We started out so strong
I was full of hope for the 29 days – that became a little too long.
I had dreams of snowstorms and snuggles while reading books and watching movies.
Forts and mountains made of pillows and some of snow.
But then, the snow melted.
The sun began to shine.
The days were so cold though, looking out the window became a lie.
The kids went insane being denied a basic child’s right – but I didn’t want their little noses to freeze off if they dared to go outside.
As the days grew longer, the mental strain became stronger.
The mind block began to set in around day 10 and has only started to crumble as you are coming to an end.
I wanted to love you this year, I wanted to face the month full of cheer.
After all, what’s a February without hearts and overpriced chocolate and flowers.
-An Unfinished Creative Writing Piece by Emily B.
Friends, this past month has HIT ME HARD. I had never really understood the whole case of the Februarys’ before, but this year I – GET – IT. Everything has become a bit of a struggle.
I have started so many paintings, blog articles, and randomly enough – a BIG crochet project and I have not finished any of it. Even writing this today is a S T R U G G L E. But I feel like I owe you all an explanation as to why you haven’t seen much of my own writing on the blog this month and what I have actually been up to in this dreaded second month of 2020. Also, I KNOW that I cannot be the only one struggling with some of these things so maybe you can let me know how you are doing this month. And how you cope with The Februarys’.
I’m not sure if this is stand alone or if I should put *month 2 1/2 of no daily coffee* right next to it. But I have been napping almost every day. Totally unintentional, might I add? I put the kids down for their afternoon naps and I almost always fall asleep putting them to sleep. Some days, I’m the only one who falls asleep #facepalm.
As nice as I’m sure it sounds, it is actually super inconvenient because nap time is when I get all the things done. The art, the writing, the hobbies ( the cleaning, the never-ending cleaning) – all of it. But when I fall asleep, it takes this huge chunk out of my day. I go straight from cleaning up from lunch to making dinner.
Now you might be thinking, “Emily, drink some coffee instead of napping.” and dude, I hear you. I tried it. But then I can‘t get to sleep at night AT ALL. BUT when I nap, I’m also too awake to fall asleep before midnight and thus the vicious cycle continues.
I NEED FRESH AIR.
My KIDS need fresh air desperately. But it has been so stinking face stinging cold that it doesn’t feel worth the 10 minutes to bundle them up just to be outside for a brief 10-minute playtime full of whining because the air hurts. (WHY DOES THE AIR HAVE TO HURT!?) I am so desperately looking forward to the milder March.
While my kids haven’t been sick much – my friends’ kids have been sick… a lot. This means we don’t get to hang out when the kids’ are sick because ya know, germs. AND I REALLY NEED ADULT HUMAN INTERACTION! #missyoufriends
Perfection vs Finished.
I am almost ashamed of the amount of partially written blog posts I have created this year. I get stuck right before the end. I feel like I have to have the most perfect, ending where everything comes together and all the loose ends have been tied. But what I am learning is that the topics I want to write about are a work in progress in my life. And since I don’t have a solution on how I can solve the problems I am writing about – I feel like I can’t post them at all.
This might stem from my hatred of cliff hangers. But for some reason, I am having a really hard time pasting anything that doesn’t seem perfect. Even if what I already have written will be helpful and worthwhile all on its own. I always want to wrap them up with a nice pretty bow, but sometimes you just have to show up and be present even if it’s not perfect.
Quality vs Quantity.
I don’t want to pump out lots of nonsense. I want each of my posts to have a purpose. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time or brainpower. There are lots of blogs that fill your newsfeeds and inboxes with *busywork*. You know what I’m talking about, right? ”The 10 ways to look fresh when you get less than 6 hours of sleep” or ” 6 recipes to make for breakfast this week” Or even just a daily recount of my day and general life updates. That all seems useless and time-wasting to me. ( Even this piece you are reading right now seems a little useless to me)
I want every single one of my posts to be meaningful and useful to you. And sometimes, when I am feeling useless and like a blob – is hard to create meaningful things.
BRING ON THE SUNSHINE.
Seriously, I need a solid week of Vitamin C and D. (Maybe some Vitamin Sea and Vitamin Sand as well.) I would settle for sunshine and green grass though.
Thank you for letting me go on a little tangent for today’s post. I appreciate you. if you feel the same way about this month that we are so #blessed to have an extra day of this year, I would love to hear from you in the comments down below. I’d also love to know how you cope with the midwinter doldrums. Because March might be a lion this year, and I am not prepared for that.
Until Next Time – Emily B