There is still hidden pain in the day to day struggle, but finally I have my answer as to why I am so different than everyone else. I am gifted with a treasure that only empathy from God can see. I am blessed with some of the most amazing minds in my family. I am cursed with trials that I fight invisibly daily in quite. Blessedly, I am rewarded with growth and wonders that only the gift if neuro diversity like spectrum and sensory processing can offer.
We’ve been doing #Testimony Tuesday for a few months now but I know that some of you are still asking “But Why?”
“What are testimonies really? Why do we share them? Why is it important to our faith? Does it really matter anyways?
Today, I want to answer those questions and I’d also like to invite you to share YOUR testimony.
The world is weird. No way around it. And sometimes, okay – a lot of times – we start to feel a little bit salty about the cards were being dealt. We feel like God is doing this TO US. And IT HURTS. And it is HARD. Any time our routine is all messed up we feel anxiety and stress that can send us on this insane emotional rollercoaster.
On our wedding day, we vowed to accept children lovingly from God and bring them up in the Catholic Church, and we wholeheartedly meant it. We assumed we would have to drive an E350 with the amount of kids we were planning on having, and we had lists of baby names that we playfully fought about, as we couldn’t agree on any of them. We started trying to get pregnant right away with hormonal supplementation.
God sees hard places and broken people and He moves toward them, not away from them. God comes to us in our brokenness and He feels broken so that we don’t have to anymore.
I’ve struggled with self-esteem issues for as long as I can remember. I‘ve struggled through abuse, food addiction, eating disorders, and low self worth among other things. When I became a Christian thirteen years ago, I learned that I was “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and I learned “even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.” (Luke 12:7) I learned that I was forgiven and loved and cared for deeply by my Heavenly Father. I learned that He valued me. I knew all this in my head but didn’t believe it and allowed lies into my heart and my life. Lies that I was worthless and unlovable.
Thank you for letting me go on a little tangent for today’s post. I appreciate you. if you feel the same way about this month that we are so #blessed to have an extra day of this year, I would love to hear from you in the comments down below. I’d also love to know how you cope with the midwinter doldrums. Because March might be a lion this year, and I am not prepared for that.
Or maybe you think, “gee, it’d be nice if God would just speak to us like that today!” Which sends you on a whole mental rabbit trail about the struggle of discerning how to live as a Christ follower, how to determine what to do and when to do it. Maybe you wish life didn’t feel so much like shooting an arrow in the dark and praying like crazy that it comes somewhere close to hitting its intended mark. Take courage, dear friend. Life is not a shot in the dark and God certainly does still speak.
One thing I learned from our miscarriage is just how fragile life is. In my pride, I sometimes take it for granted. We weren’t even through our first trimester before we were telling everyone we were pregnant “again” and laughing about it. Now looking back, I’m embarrassed at how invincible we thought we were. How flippant we were with such a special gift.